Don’t be afraid to ask the funeral director your question or to speak up and say what you want.
Some events only happen once in a lifetime. Graduations, weddings, and funerals are a few of these one-time occasions. That means the way the event is marked makes a lasting impression. If the cake at the wedding was supposed to be chocolate and it was not it does not ruin the marriage or even the day, but it can mar the occasion and it is usually the thing that is remembered. It was not right and it is never forgotten.
When a funeral is not “right”, when a minister mispronounces the deceased’s name, or the dress mom always told you she wanted to wear is not the one your brother chose, the hurt can go deep and last a long time. Getting the funeral right for your family is very important.
When you meet with the funeral director do not be afraid to speak up. Funeral directors are kind, caring people, but they are not mind readers. Tell your director what you want. Tell her what you do not want. Ask questions. Tell him about your mother, father, or spouse. Ask how to bring out what you loved about the person you lost. Treat the funeral director like you would a wedding planner. Share where family members are having a problem agreeing and ask for guidance.
Rules are made to be broken. If the number of pictures, songs, or readings recommended by the director doesn’t seem to match what you had in mind, speak up. No one at the funeral home wants your family to struggle to get the number of photos for the video down to twenty when what you really want is forty. If what you really want is for your deceased daughter to wear her cheerleading outfit for her visitation and something else for the church service speak up. Just because the body is usually dressed only once doesn’t mean it must be that way. Funeral directors know how important every detail is to the families they serve. They just don’t know what is important to you if you don’t tell them.